Beau's Brain

oh yeah

shaolin soccer

oh, and benny, the forbidden zone is coming to the sunshine.

Things you step in

Just let your fingers keep moving. Does it really matter what you say. Do you picture your audience reading this? Why do you capitalize sometimes? Getting married is stressful. Getting married in New York City even more so. Getting married with not much money so so more so. However, it has proven to me and the future Mrs. that if we need to buckle down and save money, we can do it. It's encouraging for us wannabe home owners. If we take all the energy we've taken from this wedding process and put it into research for a beautiful affordable home in or near the city, things seem possible.
There is something comforting about the idea of the rent you pay goes towards owning the house in which you live. Sometimes I feel like rent is like throwing money out the window of a fast moving car.
* smiles here at discovery of spell check as you type *
For today, my goal is to clean the floors. That would be an accomplishment. Our dog Portia is old, but still very cute (she has slowly changed my view on small dogs, or at least one small dog). So she pees quite often and now seemingly wherever is convenient for her. At least she tries to go in the kitchen on the linoleum. Pee Pee. Pee Pee. Pee. Pee. P. P. P. And sometimes poop.
poop is a funny word.

poop.

last thoughts

what goes through your brain those last moments that you are awake? it starts a fire on this network of fuses that ignite thought after thought that become your dreams.

this morning i dreamed that i was taking a ballet class, but i stopped in the middle of it to go gas up my jeep. i checked on it after it had been gassing up for some time. i realized that after a couple hundred dollars it still had not filled up. then i realized that the gas was not going into the tank, it was simply pouring out onto the ground.

on the up side of it, i also dreamed that i was flying again. it has been years since i have flown. i was carrying coco in my arms. i noted to her that it was such a great improvement to be flying with her in my arms. i did wonder how much freer i would be flying if alone. although now i think that i couldn't have flown at all without her in the first place.

at one point in my dreams i was magician. i made cards materialize out of the television.

i've been reading about the life of siddartha before going to sleep.
i wonder how that correlates?

teresa says that your vehicle in your dreams is your progress on your spiritual path. after the excitement of putting those ideas together, i was quickly dismayed at the implications.

hmmm...

Mondays my day off

sundays always feel like a victory.

breathe out.

breathe in.

happy happy

stomp's 10 year anniversary was today. i went to it. it was a trip seeing folks i hadn't seen in years. what an experience. the choreography of the conversation. ok, i've had enough of you, i'm going to go to the: a) bathroom b) bar for another drink c) other side of you to the person i really wanted to talk to in the first place.
my dear sweet lady's grandmother passed away yesterday morning.
how to be there for her...
at times i feel so selfish.
other times, i'm too selfish to bother noticing how selfish i'm being.

bold letters here help divide entries

people give what advice they can as they fade away.
save money, do it yourself, depend on no one she says.
will you be happy? she asks
we have a very good chance, i say and smile at my wonderful lady.

tonight, she stays in the hospital with her grandmother.

i've grown up with the benefit of so much love, it seems unfair of me not to share it as much as i can.

why is it easier for me to cry at the movies than in real life?

title number 74

what goes on? what happens all day? where do the moments go. preparations and plans for this thing to happen, and it happens, then something else. what did you learn? how did it change you?
there were two mice in two identical little boxes. all the walls were different thicknesses. one mouse nibbled through a little on this wall, got discouraged and tried the next, got discouraged and tried the next, got discouraged and tried the next, got discouraged and took a whole bottle of tylenol. the second mouse, picked a wall and nibbled through, it only took him three and a half years.
when someone puts a rat in a maze, there is purpose for the rat. we make the maze, but for what purpose? we can amaze, be amazed, eat maize, live through several Mays. ok, maybe it's best i don't write anymore...